


"Let's stop this, I'm sorry"

by jaehwaniee



Category: Wanna One (Band)
Genre: Angst, Breakup, Drama, M/M, Not A Happy Ending, bestfriend! Daniel, jerk! Minhyun
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-02-28
Updated: 2018-02-28
Packaged: 2019-03-25 01:46:12
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,370
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13823871
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/jaehwaniee/pseuds/jaehwaniee
Summary: "Let's stop this, I'm sorry."Jaehwan felt his body drop but no tears fell, but he didn't say anything. He felt him leave, the same way Jaehwan lost himself.





	"Let's stop this, I'm sorry"

**Author's Note:**

> This is my poor attempt at drama <\3   
> I wrote this for like 20 days before and decied to just post this now because of theuplifting comments from my last post omg thank you all! <3
> 
> Sorry in advance hehe

**One Shot**

While tracing his hands on the cold, misty window his room had, Jaehwan cupped his mouth to muffle the sobs he couldn't stop anymore. Looking at the continuous downpour outside, hearing the drops of rain, the serenity of the rain, something triggered inside of him that surged a wave of memories he and _him_ shared. He remembered their cold nights cuddling while rain dropped outside, when they danced under the rain laughing while playing with each other. But this didn't escape the ears of his roommate.

 

Daniel couldn't help but symphatize to Jaehwan. He knew what was making him this way. He knew the very reason why he was being like this; but he cannot do anything. He didn't know what to say. Jaehwan still hadn't told him about this but he knew. He wanted to punch the one making his best friend be this way, but he knew Jaehwan would hate him; he didn't want to add it to his burden, he was feeling too much already.

 

For almost a week now, Jaehwan's muffled sobs filled their apartment. He thought his roommate would not know, but Daniel always shed a small tear everytime he cried like that. Every weep added a heavy feeling on Daniel's heart. Oh, what Daniel would do to ease the pain.

 

"Hyung, I don't know anymore. My heart hurts everytime I see him like this. What should I do?" Daniel asked Seongwoo. The latter thought for a while but to the former's dismay, "I'm sorry, but I also don't know. You know how he hates being meddled."

 

"But hyung..." Seongwoo held Daniel's hand and slowly carressed using his thumb. "Let's wait for now, okay? Let's see if his cries subside after a week. Let's wait for him to open up, okay?" Seongwoo kissed Daniel's forehead and Daniel closed his eyes, feeling the calmness Seongwoo gives him. "Okay," he answered. He just hoped Jaehwan would open up so that he would know what to do.

 

When Daniel came back to their shared apartment, he saw Jaehwan cleaning their living room using a duster. "Oh, Daniel! Welcome back! Where have you been?" A puffy-eyed Jaehwan asked him. Daniel tried not to hug his bestfriend and roommate. "I met with Seongwoo-hyung," a cautious Daniel answered. He noticed Jaehwan's eyes waver a little. "Ah. How are things with you and your boy-b-boyfriend?" the stutter, the lip bite, and a dull glint in his eyes didn't escape Daniel eyes.

 

"Ah, hyung, it's... we're fine, I guess. Anyway, what are you doing, hyung?" He tried to derail the subject, the topic was too sensitive for Jaehwan, Daniel thought. "Ah, this. I was just cleaning. I noticed the garbage we had was mountainous so..." Jaehwan laughed. But this was different, or so what Daniel thought. His laugh, it's not Jaehwan's. The familiar tone wasn't there. Daniel knew Jaehwan's different laughs; the short, low, and his cackle. This didn't compare to those.

 

"I'll help you, hyung." "Oh, no, it's okay. I know you're tired. Let me. This is a way to say sorry for always sleeping and not helping with the chores," a weary Jaehwan said. "Um, okay then. I'll go to my room, then?" Jaehwan nodded.

 

When he was sure he had locked the door, he hurriedly dialed Seongwoo's number. He heard the phone dial, waiting while biting his fingers. "Hyung! You need to hear this!" Startled, Seongwoo asked what was happening. "Jaehwan-hyung is cleaning! Oh my gosh!" This was really bad news. Jaehwan never cleans! "Let him be for now, okay?" the other line said.

 

Daniel, even though he didn't want to, shifted his focus into doing his homeworks. Jaehwan, Seongwoo, Daniel, and him, were all college students of the same university. Daniel amd Seongwoo were majoring in Psychology. Jaehwan was majoring in Music. He was majoring in Philosophy.

 

He looked at his watch, oh it's been almost 30 minutes, huh. He decided to go out and drink water. As he stepped out, he heard something familiar, _too familiar._

 

Jaehwan was clutching something in his hand pressed into his heart. He was kneeling while sobbing but this time, it was hard-- no, it was harder, different from the sobs he had heard from him before. His breathing was rugged, his bottom lip was trembling so hard, and his tears were falling like raindrops. He was bawling his eyes out, while holding a picture.

 

Devastated and a little agitated, he ran over where Jaehwan was and held him. "Hyung, hyung," Daniel called him. "D-Dan-Daniel, he... he left me. He... he broke up with me. Dan-" Daniel held Jaehwan. "It's okay, hyung. It's okay. Cry more, then tell me later if you're fine, okay?" the former enveloped the latter into a hug, making Jaehwan cry harder. His tears were staining the other's clothes but he could care less.

 

After a while, when Daniel felt that Jaehwan was fine, he looked at his face to see him already sleeping. With water trickled down his face, his eyes were close and thankfully, his breathing was stable now. Daniel stood up and supported his hyung through his room. When he opened the door, he was shocked. His room was clean, spotless even. Books, which originally were scattered over the table under the small shelf, were arranged evenly on the shelf. Papers, which were originally scattered over the floor, were piled over the table. Used clothes, which used to lay on the bed, were in a basket. And the bed, which used to be very unruly was tidied up. Every nook amd cranny was spotless! He was dumbfounded, but he put his priority on his hyung. He tucked him in bed and put the blanket over him. He decided to whether or not he'd remove the thing Jaehwan was clutching, but he chose the latter. He wanted his hyung to cope up with things on his own, but if he needed help, he'd gladly do so.

 

The next morning, Daniel woke up from his slumber to see Jaehwan cooking. _Now, he cooks?!_ With his mouth agape, he approached the older. "Hyung, you're cooking?" Daniel chuckled. "I.. I wanted to cook for you as thanks for tucking me in bed. Thank you, Daniel," he said. "No problem, hyung," with a smile on his face, he assured the other. "What are you cooking, hyung?" "Ah, I'm making pancakes?" He awkwardly brushed his nape. "You're not sure?" Daniel, this time, laughed.

 

Jaehwan was cooking pancakes and brewing coffee. It was his first time, so he really put a tremendous amount of effort into this. After a short while, he served the pancakes and placed it in front of Daniel. "Wow, hyung. This actually looks good," Daniel's remarks made Jaehwan smile with pride. "Of course it would be. I made that," both of them laughed. Daniel looked at Jaehwan who was still laughing, he hoped his hyung can heal faster.

 

"Wow, hyung. That was good. I've never had a nice breakfast like this," Daniel exaggeratedly said while rubbing his stomach. "So... uh, Daniel," Jaehwan cleared his throat. "He told me we'll be meeting at a coffeeshop, that day."

 

_Jaehwan woke up from a beep that jerked his whole body up. "Gosh, that scared me shitless." He looked at his phone and saw a message his beloved sent. Hm? It's strange. He normally doesn't text me. He calls, but maybe he's just stressed, Jaehwan told himself. "Meet me at the coffeeshop near school at 5:30 later," weirded out, Jaehwan tilts his head but in the end, he shook his head and laughed, "So cold." But he replied with, "Okay, okay."_

 

_"Daniel! Does this look good on me?" Jaehwan barged into Daniel's wrong, making the latter jump of fright. "My god hyung! Fuck you!" Jaehwan just laughed. "I repeat, do I look stupid in this?" "You always look stupid," answered the other. "Fuck you. But honestly?" Daniel chuckles, "Remove the scarf, you look like a clothes rack," without even thanking the other, Jaehwan went out. Daniel did not need to ask, he knew he'd meet with him._

 

_Jaehwan, as he walked towards coffeeshop, he saw a cute little yellow daisy on a sidewalk. This would totally looked cute on him, thought Jaehwan, so he picked it up. He marvelled over how cute it would fit him as he walked._

 

_The familiar strong scent of coffee lingered on his nose, and he loved it. This coffeeshop had always been their meeting place, simply because they first met here, and the coffee they serve was good. He smiled, gushing over the memories of their first meeting. Minhyun was reading a book on a single seat with a coffee and a bagel on the table. He slightly sipped on the coffee, but his eyes darted to a boy in front of him. Jaehwan, with mouth open, was obviously ogling at him. Jaehwan certainly had flowers around him while his eyes twinkled, obviously admiring him. He chuckled, He looked so cute, thought Minhyun. He silently brought his coffee down and closed his book, and signed at the boy to come closer. Without shame, Jaehwan sprinted towards the boy, and their memories started there._

 

_He took a scan of the place, until he saw him fidgeting with his hands, Cute, he thought. He approached his table and sat on his opposite. He secretly inserted the flower on his ear, making the other flinch to his touch._

 

_"Hey, Hyunnie. What's up?" Jaehwan enthusiastically asked. He was smiling wide, seeing the flower fit his face really aesthetically. "Hyunnie?" His smile slowly faded. The older lift up his face and locked gazes with the other. If this was another gaze, Jaehwan would have blushed, but this time, it's different. The usual glint in his eyes was no longer there, it was... hollow, dead, enigmatic. "Yah, yah, Hyunnie. Why are you like this?" Jaehwan awkwardly laughed, trying to ease the tension building up._

 

_Minhyun removed the flower from his ear. Jaehwan's smile slowly faded. He witnessed the former crush the flower with his hands, and this time, Jaehwan lost his smile. He inhaled, trying to remove the feeling of fright to the Minhyun in front of him._

 

_"Hyunnie, did you know that Daniel looked like a scared Samoyed when I barged into his room?" Jaehwan tried to find topics to derail the building intuition in his heart. "I saw this cute picture of pants that would look so good on you, would you like to see?" Jaehwan pulled out his phone but he noticed his hand tremble. He waited for his beloved to answer his question but after a while, he did not. "Hyunnie, look at this selfie I took when I woke up-" Minhyun slammed his hand on the table, attracting the attention of other customers._

 

_Jaehwan fidgeted-- no, he was pinching his hands. A prickling feeling crept under his ligaments, making it feel numb. "Hyunnie, hey, stop being like thi-" "Let's stop this, I'm sorry." Minhyun cut Jaehwan off. Minhyun's words resonated on his ears. His inhibition was confirmed. It's done. He doesn't want to listen, but what can he still do? He sat there frozen, numb, but no tears fell. He did not speak, his strength left him._

 

_Minhyun stood, leaving the shoulder-slumped man in front of him. He left, the same way Jaehwan lost himself._

 

"Hyung, here," Daniel gave a roll of tissue to the crying man in front of him. Daniel tried to find words to say but he found it hard. "It's okay, hyung. Maybe he's not the man for you-" "No Daniel, it's okay. You don't have to say anything. Lending your ears is enough." Daniel looked at Jaehwan who tried to smile but couldn't.

 

"I'm trying to change me, maybe... maybe because I'm the problem. Maybe he was fed up of my clumsiness, my demeanor, my personality. But... But it's fine. I'll try to change for the better. I know you got shocked when you saw my room but maybe that's what M-Min-Minhyun would want. I'll... I'll try to become a person anyone would be proud of. I'm-I'm a dis-disappointment," Jaehwan, with his head down, said.

 

"You are not a disappointment, hyung. We're proud of you. He may have not seen your worth be we do, me and Seongwoo-hyung. I want you to be like yourself again, because that's who you are. Just remember, we will always love you, okay?" Daniel pat Jaehwan's hair. "Thanks Daniel. I promise I'd be like you when Seongwoo leaves you," Daniel's eyes widened. "Yah, hyung! We will never break up!" Jaehwan laughed, but this time, it's genuine.

 

Jaehwan changed his number eventually. Actually, he lost his phone, which Daniel said was 'intentional'. After a week, he bought a new one.

 

A month passed, but Daniel was still worried of his friend. "Babe, do you see that? Look at that!" Daniel exasperatedly told Seongwoo. "His room is spotless clean! He cooks very well now! He doesn't cackle anymore, not that I'd want to hear it again, but he's not the Jaehwan I know!" Seongwoo emphatized with his boyfriend. "Hey, hey, stop shouting. Maybe this is his way of coping up from their break up."

 

"Hey, Jaehwan-a," Seongwoo asked. "Hm?" Jaehwan, while wiping the corner of the divider. "Tell me, why are you cleaning again?" "Ah, th-this. It's... just nothing. I don't have anything to do anyway." Seongwoo frowned. _Daniel was right. This is not our Jaehwan anymore._

 

"Jaehwan-a, meet us later, okay?" Seongwoo said. Seongwoo and Daniel wanted to visit a newly opened coffeeshop downtown after the hectic requirements that they had encountered in college. It was supposed to be a date but after Seongwoo saw what Daniel was talking about, they decided to invite him, it would be a great diversion, especially that Jaehwan loved coffee.

 

"What time, again?" Jaehwan asked. "About 5:30," answered Seongwoo. "Jaehwan-a? Hey, are you okay?" the older asked after he saw the younger's body tense up. "A-Ah, sorry," Jaehwan shook his head and smiled, but Seongwoo saw it was not genuine.

 

Seongwoo wrinkled his forehead, trying to deduce why Jaehwan acted like that. Well, apparently, Daniel forgot to tell the exact details of what happened to Jaehwan, but, oh well.

 

"Oh my gosh, hyung!" Daniel whispered loudly (yes) while pulling Seongwoo back. "What?" Seongwoo furrowed his brows. "Call Jaehwan-hyung and tell him to stay there! Faster!" startled, Seongwoo hurriedly dialed Jaehwan's number. While it rang, he asked why. "I saw Minhyun!"

 

"Yes, hyung?" Jaehwan answered after a while. "A-Ah, Jae-Jaehwan-a, can... I'm sorry but I think it's... closed?" what the fuck was that Seongwoo, he mentally slapped his face. "Ey, hyung, I'm literally behind you right now," Jaehwan chuckled. Daniel gasped when he heard his chuckle.

 

"Let's go in," Jaehwan pushed the two inside. "No-" Daniel was too late. He wanted to push Jaehwan outside but he was too late. He saw Jaehwan's body tense. He saw his warm demeanor freeze, he saw Jaehwan's smile fade, he saw Jaehwan's aura dull, and most especially, he saw Jaehwan's tears fall.

 

_"Hwannie, say aaaah," Minhyun made the spoon swirl around like an airplane. "Ey, Hyunnie, I'm too old for this," Jaehwan, embarrassed, tilted his face away. Minhyun slumped his shoulders and jokingly shifted his face to sad. "Gosh, Hyunnie. Aaaah," having no choice at that cute view, Jaehwan opened his mouth. Minhyun laughed and put the spoon into his mouth. "You treat me like a child. I'm not a baby you know," he said while hiding a blush. "Ey, but you're my baby," Minhyun pinched Jaehwan's cheeks, then kissed him._

 

The memory, which Jaehwan tried to lock in the depths of his mind, billowed, surging a wave in his heart. The memory triggered his tears, tears he tried to conceal, tears he didn't know he still had. It could have been better if he would have just seen him alone, but he was with a girl, and he was doing what he always did to him, to another girl, to a kid.

 

"Jaehwan-i, hey, hey, Jaehwan-i!" Seongwoo shook Jaehwan's shoulders. "H-Hyung," Jaehwan blinked. "Jaehwan!" He felt his world shake. He felt sound muffle. He felt his surroundings blur. He doesn't know what, he doesn't know why, maybe it was his imagination, but he saw Minhyun run to him, until everything went black.

 

_Beep. Beep. Beep._ The sound of machines brought Jaehwan to his consciousness. He tried to open his eyes, but the bright lights blinded him. It took a while for him to adjust. _Where am I?_

 

He tried to move but he felt a presence beside his bed. _Who's this?_ He moved his hand and the man looked at him. "Jaehwan! You're awake!" The man exclaimed. "Yes, Seongwoo-hyung." Jaehwan secretly disappointedly said but the older didn't seem to notice. "Wait, I'll call for the doctor."

 

Jaehwan had a tiny tinge of hope that it could have been him. He hoped that what he saw was true, but maybe-- no, it was his imagination. Why would Minhyun walk up to him, right? Why would he care?

 

Unbeknownst to him, he felt a tear escape his eyes. The familiar coldness drizzled down his cheeks. Cheeks. Yes, Minhyun used to love them. He had always squeezed them when he had the chance. He would always run his fingers at them. He would always kiss them.

 

Bitterly, Jaehwan tried to laugh. _I'm so pathetic. I can't even move on when surely, he had, maybe long ago. Wait, what's there for him to move on about? He never loved me._

 

He heard voices from the other side of the curtain. Maybe the other patients, he thought. He was in the hospital. "Minhyun!" He felt his body tense. Minhyun? "Minhyun, who did this to you?" a girl exclaimed. "Tell me!"

 

Jaehwan widened his eyes. He hid himself under the blanket. _Oh my gosh! Minhyun is on the other bed? What?! How could this happen?!_

 

"It's nothing," the man said. That's definitely him! "What do you mean it's nothing? You have bruises on your face! Your mouth is bleeding! You're almost unrecognizable now!" the girl blurted out. _Oh my gosh! Did Daniel punch him? Or was it Seongwoo-hyung? Oh my gosh!_

 

He felt the curtain draw. He felt so tensed that he closed his eyes. "Jaehwan," the man said. Jaehwan felt a warm surge on his heart. "Are you fine now?" He drew his blanket down, but he did not look at the man. "Y-Ye-Yes," he nervously said. _Now he's talking to me? Oh my gosh! What's with that stutter?! Aish, Jaehwan! You idiot! You should make him see that you've moved on!_

 

"Mr. Kim Jaehwan-ssi?" Jaehwan lifted his face to see the doctor. "Yes, Doctor?" "From what I have studied, you don't have any internal hemorrhage. Have you been eating? It's because of your empty stomach that you passed out earlier. Make sure to eat at the right time. You can go now, just fill up these forms," the doctor handed out a form and he was to receive it but Seongwoo got it first. "I'll do it. Change your clothes for now." "Okay."

 

"As for you, Mr. Hwang Minhyun, your bruises are not critical, thankfully. Everyday, put this ointment so it won't leave any scars," the doctor gave him an ointment. "You can also leave-" Jaehwan wasn't able to hear what the doctor said when Seongwoo pushed him out. "Jaehwan, didn't I tell you to change? Go!" Seongwoo said.

 

"Wait, Jaehwan!" he heard his, sadly, beloved said. But he did not stop. How can he? When his tears are, yet again, falling? He tried to suppress his shoulders to fluctuate but he failed. Maybe Minhyun saw it, but would he care? No. He wouldn't. Who is Jaehwan to him, anyway?

 

Minhyun stood up up to follow him but Seongwoo blocked his way. "What are you doing?" Seongwoo angrily said. "I want to talk-" "For what? To break his heart again? Why do you care anyway? When you decided to break his heart, stand up for it. The day you left him was the day he lost himself. He's trying to find who he is, and he's doing well, but you want to shatter him again? You're truly a horrible person-" Seongwoo spat poison but Minhyun cut him off, "Move, you don't know me and my reasons, so fuck off." Minhyun pushed Seongwoo. Seongwoo sighed. I guess I can't do anything anymore, huh, he thought. But he hoped for the best.

 

"Jaehwan! Wait!" Minhyun tried to catch Jaehwan but he saw him open a door and close it shut. "Jaehwan! Open the door!" Minhyun knocked on the door with closed fist. He tried to shift the knob but to no avail, it was closed. "Jaehwannie, please," this time, it was soft.

 

"No! Go a-away!" Jaehwan said. "Talk to me, please," Minhyun begged. "I don't want to!" Jaehwan, although he tried not to, his voice cracked. With tears still streaming down his face, he leaned over the door. "I... I don't want to talk to you, not now, not ever. I'm doing good, I'm almost there. Please... Please let me..." Jaehwan pleaded while wiping his tears.

 

"No. Hear me out, please, Hwannie-" "Don't call me that! Hear you out?! Are you fucking kidding me?! It was all loud and clear! You broke our relationship there and then! I don't even know what happened! I thought I was doing well with our relationship! Then you suddenly called me to say we're over?! And you want me to hear you out?! Fuck you!" Jaehwan snapped. His bottom lip quivered and he felt his legs wobble. He slid down, cupping his mouth with his hands.

 

"I have my reasons-" "Fuck your reasons! And you decided to tell this to me now?! Fuck you! I hate you so much! For days, I tried to think of a reason for why you wanted to break up with me and I couldn't come up with one that would really make sense of it all! Is it because you're ashamed of me? Is it because I'm not handsome enough for you? Is that it? Tell me! I am drowning in oblivion, left midair, and alone!" his voice was cracking yet he managed to shout. His tears continued to flow while his breath was still rugged. The sound of his cries filled the air.

 

"My mother called me before that day. He said some girl went to our house claiming she had my daughter. I don't know what happened, so I went there," Minhyun, after a short while said. He swallowed the build lump on his throat before he continued. "I... She looked so much like me, I... I faltered, I froze, I didn't know what to do. When I asked to meet you, I... I wanted to tell you but you were so pure, I didn't want to burst your bubble," Minhyun felt a tear escape as he leaned his head on the door.

 

"I could... I could have understood. I would have helped you but... but you did not trust me," Jaehwan softly, almost like a whisper, said. He was shocked but he knew how it must have been hard for him, "I could have been there for you but... but you chose to push me away. You did not trust me, you... you took everything by yourself," Jaehwan said, wiping the tears off his face.

 

"I tried to cool my head off. After a week, I tried calling you but you were not answering. I tried going to your apartment but Daniel always... he always told me to go away. But I understand, I... I hurt you so much, you don't deserve me," Minhyun sat down. Daniel, that little shit, Jaehwan thought, but he knows he did it for him. That time, he was critical, he was still coping up to himself. If they had met by then, he could have killed Minhyun or himself, no shit.

 

"But... But now, I am officially ending our relationship for good. In that short time, I learned to love the child, my child. I'm sorry for not explaining everything well for you. I'm sorry for everything. I... I want-- no, I really hope that you find another person who you really, really deserve, not like me, a jerk, an asshole, a stupid person. I hope you'll be able to forgive me one day, even if it would take years, decades, or centuries, but I really hope," Minhyun's voice shook a little. It was evident to Jaehwan's ears that the older was crying, through the eventual stagger of his voice.

 

Silence overthrew the whole place they were in. For a minute, slow, shallow breaths were the only sounds heard.

 

"Okay," Jaehwan exhaled, after the deafening silence. "I'm... I'm feeling drowsy. Can you leave me alone? This is too much to take in, please let me be for now," beseeched Jaehwan. The other behind the door didn't speak but he felt his presence go. He heard his footsteps muffle.

 

Seongwoo and Jaehwan silently rode the bus. Jaehwan was staring outside but Seongwoo did not bother. He knew he cried again, based on the stains that were all over himself. Daniel went home earlier after he punched Minhyun. You see, Daniel wasn't really that overprotective of his roommate. That was an exception, especially that Jaehwan was going through something he didn't know he could have felt, and the person who did that to him was that man. He wasn't the violent type, but he just had to.

 

Seongwoo did not bother to ask. He knew that Jaehwan was still collecting his thoughts. It's hard for him. Seongwoo went with him as they go to their apartment. "Thank you, hyung," said Jaehwan then he went to his room.

 

"Hyung, what happened there? Why did he cry again?" Daniel agitatedly asked. "They talked. I think he knows his reasons now," Seongwoo answered. Daniel enveloped Seongwoo into a back hug. "I hope he gets better soon. I hope I see his usual self sooner," Daniel sighed. Seongwoo held his hand and flipped himself so they would be facing each other. "I hope so, too." Seongwoo hugged Daniel. "It was such a long day! Gosh!" Daniel chuckled at Seongwoo. "Let's sleep?" "Okay."

 

The following morning, Daniel and Seongwoo woke up to see Jaehwan cooking, again. Both of them looked at each other and frowned, he's cooking again?!

 

"Oh, Daniel and Seongwoo-hyung, come, sit. I cooked for you today," Jaehwan smiled. "This is my thanks for taking care of me. Thank you, guys!" Jaehwan hugged both of them, making Daniel cringe so bad, "Ey, hyung, okay, okay, get off now, please," Daniel said, making the two laugh.

 

While they were eating, Daniel couldn't help but notice Jaehwan's smile. It was something sad, but happy? Or was it doubt or hesitation? Daniel furrowed his brows and squinted his eyes. "Hyung, are you okay?" asked Daniel after losing a battle with confusion. He saw him blink fast. "Ah, yes."

 

The morning went by in a blur, with Jaehwan still behind the door of his room. Sounds of creaking wood and footsteps were heard inside the whole apartment. Daniel and Seongwoo were worried but they figured out that Jaehwan wanted the apartment for himself so they left for a while.

 

When they came back, the apartment was the way they left it, untouched. "Hyung, did he lock himself again?" Daniel frowned. "Let me go check," he said.

 

"Jaehwan-hyung," Daniel knocked. He resumed knocking but no one was answering. "Jaehwan-hyung?" Daniel tried to shift the knob and for some reason, it was not locked. He opened the door thoroughly to see the room without no one in. "Jaehwan-hyung?" he looked inside but there was no one. He looked inside the bathroom but he wasn't there. "Seongwoo-hyung! Jaehwan-hyung's gone!" Daniel hurriedly shouted. "What?! Check more!" Seongwoo shouted back.

They tried to find him inside the apartment complex but Jaehwan was really gone. "I told you leaving the apartment was a bad idea!" Daniel told the older. "There... I'm sure there's a reason," Seongwoo assured him. "But hyung, some of his clothes are gone! Maybe he took them somewhere! His guitar is not here also. Hyung, I think he left," looking down, Seongwoo pat the younger's head. "I'm sure he'd come back. Maybe not now, but later."

 

Seongwoo went to Jaehwan's room again to check. He smiled sadly. "Jaehwan-i, I hope you'll be safe where you are." When he was about to close the door, his eyes caught a glimpse of something. He checked and saw a letter placed above the bedside table. It was small. "Daniel, come here," he told the younger. "Look at this," he gave him the letter, "I think you should be the one who should open it, you're his best friend."

 

Daniel opened the letter, revealing the familiar handwriting of his hyung. Seongwoo saw his hands tremble yet he smiled sadly, it's hard for him. Daniel and Jaehwan have been roommates for 6 years but they were friends even before when they were in middle school.

 

 

_Dear Daniel and Seongwoo-hyung,_

 

_I'm sorry for leaving without your knowledge. I know this is too selfish of me but I hope you understand. I don't want to be a bother anymore. I don't want to take away your time for each other taking care of me. I want you to make memories of each other without thinking of me. I... I know that you love me and of course, I love you both very much!_

 

_I know this is foolish, losing himself for some boy who wouldn't even love him. I know I'm being stupid, leaving because of someone who hurt me, but please understand. I want to cope up with myself without relying on others. I... I want to find myself. These weeks without him have been too hard. I came to realize that I couldn't recognize myself anymore. I am... I am no one without him, and that's scary. I don't know who I am. I guess... I guess I have been to reliant on him that I lost my own personality._

 

_After our break up, I felt like some of me also broke, and that scared me so much. I always spaced out trying to evaluate who the real me is. I always tried to hold on to that little string of hope that I would regain my usual self, without him. But... But after a few days, I was so scared and frightened that... that Jaehwan, the real Jaehwan left me._

 

_For Daniel, sorry for leaving. You're my bestfriend, and you have all the right to hate me for this. I know you love me, but know that I love you too. These past few weeks, I know you're worried of me. So I decided to leave. I want you to pursue your dreams without a fool that you have to think of. I want you to become better. I hope you become the best dancer in the world!_

 

_For Seongwoo-hyung, again, sorry for leaving. Through the years that you were dating Daniel, I saw how you love him so much and how he loves you the same. I know that you two suit each other very much. I want you to know that I think of you as my bestfriend. You take care of me, you love me. I hope you take care of Daniel and may both of you stay strong!_

 

_This is all that there is to this. I'm sorry but it's for myself. Think of me as someone who left but will return. I will return as someone better. Someone stronger who can take care of himself and his friends. Till next time, I love you and good bye!_

 

_PS. Daniel I removed my account on Player 2 of your PlayStation so Seongwoo-hyung can register._

 

_PPS. You can move in with Seongwoo-hyung now or Seongwoo-hyung can move in, however you like._

 

_Sincerely yours,  
Jaehwanniee._

 

Daniel closed the letter while wiping his tears. He basically knew everything of Jaehwan but he understood. Seongwoo enveloped Daniel into a hug while Daniel rested his face on his clothes.

 

"Till next time Jaehwan-hyung."

**Author's Note:**

> Sooooo, what did you guys think?


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